11.1.13

And Yet...

It's been back to the same old, hum drum pattern from before the Incident. Up every morning, back to work after breakfast with Belle, same research, same meaningless chatter at the lunch table, and same old white board I put at the back of the room with the big questions: Why did this happen? Where did it come from? How do we end it, once and for all?. The spaces for the answers remain as blank as they've always been.

And yet.

Ah, yes, a wonderful "yet" in the midst of the same old hum drum. Because, you see, now I have John Smith. And every day this...thing is growing. He makes me smile, even when he's not around. Just thinking about him makes this strange sensation bloom through my body. It's as if the bone-breaking agony that my heart presses against the walls of my chest when I think about my brother and mother and aunt has turned itself inside out. And while the bloom of elation is always a short spark, never staying longer than an instant, it sends me enough energy to get me through the rest of the day til we see each other.

Sometimes I think he is on to something, like when he talks about the correlations he's found between certain minerals in some certain places to one another, or when he shows me how my idea could be so easily explained under his circumstances. Other times I think he might be insane, like when he and Belle are having conversations and he tells her about the dreams he has about the possible people who might exist and he might be discovering, about the worlds he imagines they may be from with red mountains and orange skies. But Belle loves the stories, and honestly so do I. He has this kind of story-teller's charm; he's really quite good at it. It doesn't hurt that I'm so attracted to him...

I can't help myself lately, I just get to thinking about him and go on and on. Hopefully this feeling lasts. Hopefully nothing bad happens to him...

Anyway, there's really nothing big going on, besides that. Nobody seems to be making much big progress, we're all just working on... nothing. When you've already looked at every possible answer, it can be difficult to revise the question any longer.

1 comment: