5.4.13

Problems always appear in three's

While the thought of a cure for PTA is overwhelmingly awesome, you can't help but worry about the indications this particular cure presents. Not only is the overabundance of this protein in most humans harmful, it's also a very very limited resource, not to mention the fact that it comes from human brains.

I guess that's what John and the rest of the corporates are discussing right now. Do we go public? If not, who do we let in? It's nice that John's letting me in on this stuff (even though he would definitely be in hot soup in anyone found out) but for some reason the fact that he's an executive is sort of bothering me somehow. It's not that I'm jealous of his position, I definitely wouldn't want to have to make the decision he's making right now. I think it's more of a slight destruction of trust between us. He has been charming and social since he arrived, and he is definitely intelligent, but somehow I didn't know just how into the CDC he was. Based on his chosen field of study, I figured he was some kind of latch on, just a guy with a high enough score to get in and get paid, but not actually working for the CDC. A freelancer. And he never really tried to argue my vision of him that way. But now I find out he's actually this powerful leader I've never heard of til now? It makes me wonder what else I could be overlooking about this person I thought I knew.

That's not important right now. What is important is the fact that I have a lot of work to do. And I have to do it relatively quietly. I'm trying to study SA so we can recreate it, grow it, or clone it, in such a way that it will be harmless to humans. But if anyone but John finds out, we'll both be shut down and, as I mentioned before, in a ton of trouble for sharing this information. So that means working only with John. And since he's having his corporate conference about whether or not we even pursue this cause, that means I'm mostly working alone, while he's busy. Needless to say, it's not easy, and it's quite stressful, and honestly, I think we're both feeling a little tense toward each other right now.

Unfortunately, this means that now I've got a secret from Belle, as well. Which I never thought was going to happen, and I really don't enjoy it. I'm trying not to blame John for this fissure between Belle and me, but it is, sort of, his fault for telling me. It feels like Belle's pulling away from me, and every day that she asks me how's work and I have to lie and tell her "nothing new", I'm adding another lie to the pile that is heaping up between us. She doesn't tell me about her friends anymore, even when I ask. She hardly ever brings anyone around the apartment anymore, even when I promise to stay out of the way, most of the time simply opting to go to their place. All I get anymore are names and ages. Most of the names I don't even recognize, but it makes sense that there are teenagers here I don't know. A lot of kids who want to do biology will spend some time as assistants in the labs, so teens pass through different towns a lot. Belle still hasn't decided what she wants to do, and every so often I suggest she work with me in the lab. She usually says she'll think about it, but last night she barely even responded. Probably because I didn't mean it. She could probably tell. She's usually pretty keen like that.

I hope something resolves here soon. I am so ready for a good day.

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