11.5.13

Today I Mourn

I never realized how much I missed my family until I stood across the doorway from my grandmother. Every fleeting moment of reminiscence I had felt over the last five years rushed me at that moment, every half dream and memory fleshed out in my heart and I felt like I was going to explode right then and there. Thankfully I didn't.

"Gramma, it's me, Dahlia. Your granddaughter..." Were the words I finally got out, while tears were forming in my eyes. I couldn't believe it. I had been so afraid to hope she would be here, and then here she was. Standing right in front of me, touting a rifle in her hand and a disbelieving frown on her brow.

"D... Dahlia...?" Her shoulders slumped and she bit her lips as tears rolled out of her eyes, before dropping the gun to reach out to me.

Suddenly, there was a deafening sound, then nothing but a rinnnggggg and I could hear nothing else for several seconds. It felt like time was moving in slow motion, and every second felt like an hour as I realized what had happened.

The gun had misfired when Gramma had dropped it in shock. When I saw the look on her face, I worried that I had been hit and didn't realize it, but when I realized I was fine... I was too scared to look... I didn't want to know what happened... I... I just can't... I couldn't... I don't want to think about it! I don't want to talk about it, but it's all I can see right now... Belle, lying there, bleeding, crying....It was all in slow motion but it happened so fast, and I tried I really did. I tried everything they taught me in first aide, but it wasn't enough... Her neck.... The artery was.... She died right there in my gramma's living room in my arms...

It was an accident. I know that. But gramma is so distraught. She's just... inconsolable. I am, too. I just... This pain...This pain is so much more than anything I've ever felt before. I try to sleep, but all I can see is Belle's face. I try to think about tother things, but then I just see my brother... I can't do this.

Se was my girl, Belle was like my daughter, my best friend, my sister. She was so young, and she had the potential to do amazing things for the world, for herself. And now, she won't even have a funeral. This god-forsaken town is so scared of their own shadows, they torch the dead, even if they died of natural causes. Or... violence. We buried her in Gramma's back yard. In a fucking garbage bag.

This is just so... just... It's just so wrong... And there's not a damn thing I can do about it. So I'm recording this in her honor. Because maybe someday, someone will find this... Maybe I'll have someone to tell her story to or something. But maybe someday she'll be remembered for the amazing girl she was and the spectacular woman she would have been. And how terrible this accident is.

I hate the fact that the world has come to this: Old women answering their doors with rifles in hand... None of this would have happened if not for this damn virus! It's taken everything from me! They've decoded the stupid thing even, but it's still got a grip on the psyche of the world. Especially since they won't tell the public they're working on a damn cure! It's not the government's fault, though. The wounds on society will never heal, the mistrust, fear, insecurity... The virus has only had a twelve year reign over the world, but in twelve years everything has gone to hell. And I don't think we're ever going to recover. I don't think we'll ever make up the ground we've lost. The world has been emptying for over a decade, and yesterday it completely drained. I don't know what to do... Where to go...Perhaps I'll just stay here for a while...

1 comment:

  1. Well I definitely didn't see that coming, great twist!

    ReplyDelete